A Mitt Romney Soliloquy
A Mitt Romney Soliloquy
I’ve been in Ann’s shadow ever since our first date in high school. Over our years together, she’s waged some pretty impressive battles with myself and others. Among her many accomplishments, none is more important or rewarding—to us and to our country—than her accomplishment as a successful mother of 153 and grandmother of 16,352.
Thank you, Ann.
The other night, from opposite coasts of the country, and you can appreciate from the point of population density why we keep so far apart, but are not legally separated or divorced, Ann and I watched President Obama’s State of the Union address. Ann figured out pretty fast what was going on. She sent me an email saying that it sounded like he was reading my CPAC speech from last year. I asked her what CPAC stood for because I could not remember. She teased me about it and said I knew. I said I didn’t. She said I knew and I said I didn’t. She said I knew and I said, really, I can’t recall and she told me to get some sleep. I still can’t remember what that speech was but it must have been good for Ann to remark on it.
Thank you, Ann.
What we were hearing was not just a new and improved Barack Obama; it was an entirely different Barack Obama. It was like stereophonic Barack Obama, because, as I mentioned, Ann and I were on opposite coasts and we were on the telephone together and listening to the speech at the same time and talking on the phone. I was eating my dinner too but because of the time difference Ann was not eating her dinner and she complained often that I was chewing in her ear. I said that was better than her chewing on my ear and she took offense and nearly hung up the phone. It was during this unexpected silence from myself, a person who never ceases to talk, even during sleep, and my wife, who often does the same, that we noticed the stereophonic effect. Ann actually held her phone under her pillow in her hotel room at one point and still – same thing. It was amazing.
Well, if you recall the speech I am talking about, the Barack Obama speech, not the CPAC speech, because really, I still can’t recall what that was about. Thank you Ronald Reagan. Anyway, in the Barack Obama speech Saul Alinsky was out; Jeffrey Immelt was in, that’s what Ann said. I told her, I don’t get the connection.
She continued, ”Don’t you get it? the President went from “Change you can believe in” to “Can you believe this change?” I mean, I can’t believe you can’t remember your speech. He’s using your speech practically only with different words in it.”
She started crying at one point and shouting in the phone, “It’s like you’re the President Mitt but you’re now. It’s like he’s you but you’re not him! Oh, my God!”
Just then I returned my attention to Barack Obama’s speech because he sounded like he was going to dig up the First Lady’s organic garden to put in a Bob’s Big Boy.
As the speech went on, it was clear that this was just the appearance of change: His answer for Americans out of work was more government spending and $50 billion for high speed rail. He did take the initiative and change the images on many of our smaller denomination coins, however, and I thought, ‘How clever! He’s made change!’
He replaced hisChicago politician chief of staff with a fresh face fromChicago, named Daley, ha, ha. Get it? I didn’t at first until my wife explained to me that the Daley family has a history of getting into politics for the money and power. I know about these things because my father was Governor of Michigan. A station to which he arose after being born Mexican to my Mormon grandparents, who, when they returned to theUnited States were sent to Michigan. It’s a complicated and glorious story and not at all like the Daley’s of Chicago. Bad, Daleys, Bad!
Make no mistake: What we are watching is not Brave New World; what we’re watching is Groundhog Day in reruns. If I get in office then it will be Brave New World! Organized breeding experimental stations everywhere! Two years ago, this new President faced an economic crisis and an increasingly uncertain world and he gave all of your money to the bankers and stockbrokers on Wall Street.
An uncertain world has been made more dangerous by the lack of clear direction from a weak President. Oh, he’s so weak he can’t pick up what I am talking about. Ha, ha. The President who touted his personal experience as giving him special insight into foreign affairs was caught unprepared when Iranian citizens rose up against oppression. I knew it was going to happen. I was there inTehran in my mind and when they rose up and were mostly killed and arrested I was like, ‘Man, I am glad I wasn’t really there, like only in my head!’
His proposed policy of engagement withIran and North Korea won him the Nobel Peace Prize – well, not really, I recall now that they gave him the prize but he had not done anything yet. That was totally weird. How’s that worked out?Iran armed Hezbollah and Hamas and is rushing toward nuclear weapons and the refrigerator.North Korea fired missiles, tested nukes, sunk a South Korean ship and shelled a South Korean island all with no effective reprisals, warnings or dangers from theUnited States. We should have nuked ‘em and sent in Navy Seals and all sorts of war stuff.. And his “reset program” withRussia? That consisted of our President abandoning our missile defense inPoland and signing a one-sided nuclear treaty with the Russians – composed mostly of recounting the weapons in a new way. The cause of liberty cannot endure much more of his “they get, we give” diplomacy – it’s got to be all about me!
The world –and our valiant troops –watched in confusion as the President announced that he intended to win the war inAfghanistan which we all know can never end. I assure you – the War in Afghanistan will NEVER end as long as I am in power. He didn’t want it to go much beyond August of 2011. And while the Taliban may not have an air force or sophisticated drones, it’s safe to say… they do have calendars, if they don’t have one they could just go into a Home Depot there in Afghanistan and say like, ‘Hey, can I have a calendar?’. I think you can see the problems that could cause. Some have clocks, desks, desk phones, paperweights and other possessions.
I surely hope that at some point in the near future, the President will finally be able to construct a foreign policy, any foreign policy that I can understand and relate to and love and talk about with my 16,000 children and my relative the State of Utah. God Bless Salt Lake City!
Thank you, Ann.
My father never graduated from college. He apprenticed as a lath and plaster carpenter, and he was darn good at it. He learned how to put a handful of nails in his mouth and spit them out, point forward. On his honeymoon, he and Mom drove across the country. Dad sold aluminum paint along the way, to pay for gas and hotels. Dad became the Governor of Michigan. He ran that State as far into the ground as it would go! He knew how to take advantage of a good thing. Mom and Dad gave a goal to shoot for – because of my 12,192 brothers and sisters, I am who I am today…oh, and because of Ann.
Thank you, Ann.
Dad always believed inAmerica; and in that America, a lath and plaster man could work his way up to running a little car company called American Motors and end up Governor of a state where he had once sold aluminum paint. It’s incredible, isn’t it? It’s like something else was going on. I don’t get it. I didn’t then and I don’t now.
Thank you, Ann.
For my Dad,America was the land of opportunity, where free enterprise, small business and entrepreneurs were encouraged and respected. It was all about money. That genius has blessed the world, led the world and yes, even saved the world from unimaginable darkness. The light bulb.
Thank you, Ann.
I don’t apologize forAmerica because I believe in America!
Thank you, Ann?
I’ve been in Ann’s shadow ever since our first date in high school. Over our years together, she’s waged some pretty impressive battles with myself and others. Among her many accomplishments, none is more important or rewarding—to us and to our country—than her accomplishment as a successful mother of 153 and grandmother of 16,352.
Thank you, Ann.
The other night, from opposite coasts of the country, and you can appreciate from the point of population density why we keep so far apart, but are not legally separated or divorced, Ann and I watched President Obama’s State of the Union address. Ann figured out pretty fast what was going on. She sent me an email saying that it sounded like he was reading my CPAC speech from last year. I asked her what CPAC stood for because I could not remember. She teased me about it and said I knew. I said I didn’t. She said I knew and I said I didn’t. She said I knew and I said, really, I can’t recall and she told me to get some sleep. I still can’t remember what that speech was but it must have been good for Ann to remark on it.
Thank you, Ann.
What we were hearing was not just a new and improved Barack Obama; it was an entirely different Barack Obama. It was like stereophonic Barack Obama, because, as I mentioned, Ann and I were on opposite coasts and we were on the telephone together and listening to the speech at the same time and talking on the phone. I was eating my dinner too but because of the time difference Ann was not eating her dinner and she complained often that I was chewing in her ear. I said that was better than her chewing on my ear and she took offense and nearly hung up the phone. It was during this unexpected silence from myself, a person who never ceases to talk, even during sleep, and my wife, who often does the same, that we noticed the stereophonic effect. Ann actually held her phone under her pillow in her hotel room at one point and still – same thing. It was amazing.
Well, if you recall the speech I am talking about, the Barack Obama speech, not the CPAC speech, because really, I still can’t recall what that was about. Thank you Ronald Reagan. Anyway, in the Barack Obama speech Saul Alinsky was out; Jeffrey Immelt was in, that’s what Ann said. I told her, I don’t get the connection.
She continued, ”Don’t you get it? the President went from “Change you can believe in” to “Can you believe this change?” I mean, I can’t believe you can’t remember your speech. He’s using your speech practically only with different words in it.”
She started crying at one point and shouting in the phone, “It’s like you’re the President Mitt but you’re now. It’s like he’s you but you’re not him! Oh, my God!”
Just then I returned my attention to Barack Obama’s speech because he sounded like he was going to dig up the First Lady’s organic garden to put in a Bob’s Big Boy.
As the speech went on, it was clear that this was just the appearance of change: His answer for Americans out of work was more government spending and $50 billion for high speed rail. He did take the initiative and change the images on many of our smaller denomination coins, however, and I thought, ‘How clever! He’s made change!’
He replaced hisChicago politician chief of staff with a fresh face fromChicago, named Daley, ha, ha. Get it? I didn’t at first until my wife explained to me that the Daley family has a history of getting into politics for the money and power. I know about these things because my father was Governor of Michigan. A station to which he arose after being born Mexican to my Mormon grandparents, who, when they returned to theUnited States were sent to Michigan. It’s a complicated and glorious story and not at all like the Daley’s of Chicago. Bad, Daleys, Bad!
Make no mistake: What we are watching is not Brave New World; what we’re watching is Groundhog Day in reruns. If I get in office then it will be Brave New World! Organized breeding experimental stations everywhere! Two years ago, this new President faced an economic crisis and an increasingly uncertain world and he gave all of your money to the bankers and stockbrokers on Wall Street.
An uncertain world has been made more dangerous by the lack of clear direction from a weak President. Oh, he’s so weak he can’t pick up what I am talking about. Ha, ha. The President who touted his personal experience as giving him special insight into foreign affairs was caught unprepared when Iranian citizens rose up against oppression. I knew it was going to happen. I was there inTehran in my mind and when they rose up and were mostly killed and arrested I was like, ‘Man, I am glad I wasn’t really there, like only in my head!’
His proposed policy of engagement withIran and North Korea won him the Nobel Peace Prize – well, not really, I recall now that they gave him the prize but he had not done anything yet. That was totally weird. How’s that worked out?Iran armed Hezbollah and Hamas and is rushing toward nuclear weapons and the refrigerator.North Korea fired missiles, tested nukes, sunk a South Korean ship and shelled a South Korean island all with no effective reprisals, warnings or dangers from theUnited States. We should have nuked ‘em and sent in Navy Seals and all sorts of war stuff.. And his “reset program” withRussia? That consisted of our President abandoning our missile defense inPoland and signing a one-sided nuclear treaty with the Russians – composed mostly of recounting the weapons in a new way. The cause of liberty cannot endure much more of his “they get, we give” diplomacy – it’s got to be all about me!
The world –and our valiant troops –watched in confusion as the President announced that he intended to win the war inAfghanistan which we all know can never end. I assure you – the War in Afghanistan will NEVER end as long as I am in power. He didn’t want it to go much beyond August of 2011. And while the Taliban may not have an air force or sophisticated drones, it’s safe to say… they do have calendars, if they don’t have one they could just go into a Home Depot there in Afghanistan and say like, ‘Hey, can I have a calendar?’. I think you can see the problems that could cause. Some have clocks, desks, desk phones, paperweights and other possessions.
I surely hope that at some point in the near future, the President will finally be able to construct a foreign policy, any foreign policy that I can understand and relate to and love and talk about with my 16,000 children and my relative the State of Utah. God Bless Salt Lake City!
Thank you, Ann.
My father never graduated from college. He apprenticed as a lath and plaster carpenter, and he was darn good at it. He learned how to put a handful of nails in his mouth and spit them out, point forward. On his honeymoon, he and Mom drove across the country. Dad sold aluminum paint along the way, to pay for gas and hotels. Dad became the Governor of Michigan. He ran that State as far into the ground as it would go! He knew how to take advantage of a good thing. Mom and Dad gave a goal to shoot for – because of my 12,192 brothers and sisters, I am who I am today…oh, and because of Ann.
Thank you, Ann.
Dad always believed inAmerica; and in that America, a lath and plaster man could work his way up to running a little car company called American Motors and end up Governor of a state where he had once sold aluminum paint. It’s incredible, isn’t it? It’s like something else was going on. I don’t get it. I didn’t then and I don’t now.
Thank you, Ann.
For my Dad,America was the land of opportunity, where free enterprise, small business and entrepreneurs were encouraged and respected. It was all about money. That genius has blessed the world, led the world and yes, even saved the world from unimaginable darkness. The light bulb.
Thank you, Ann.
I don’t apologize forAmerica because I believe in America!
Thank you, Ann?
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